Part 3: Saturday part 2

The faire was very small and divided into two sections with a line of trees between them.  Neither section was very big.  We shared the west clearing with a group that did fairy shows and sold fairy wings to kids.

They had a good thing going where they’d bring a kid on stage, put some wings on them, and then make them part of the show.  At the end of the show, they made the kid give them back “unless, your parents wanted to buy them for you…”

They sold wings to pretty much every kid there.

Of course, there weren’t many folks there.  All day Saturday and there were less than 70 people total.

Clearly some of the folks had never been to a ren faire before.

One guy came up to me and explained it was the first faire he ever attended that didn’t have some kind of roller coaster he could go on, but he was having a good time anyhow.

As we were only scheduled for 2 shows a day, we wanted something to fill the time.  So we came up with a game using on of our catapults where you could shoot tennis balls at one of our sword fighters out on the field.  You got 3 shots for $1, and it you hit them, you’d win a pickle.

They weren’t big pickles.  We had bought them at the supermarket and they were only about the size of my thumb.  But, we made sure anyone who gave us $1 won a pickle.

After about an hour of this, one of Dr. Neo’s flunkys came over.

“Doctor Neo needs to see you, now!” he told me.

I followed him through the trees to the other field, a grand total of about 20 feet away.

“Why are you ruining my pickle business?!?!?!?” Doctor Neo shouted without preamble.

“I didn’t know you were selling pickles,” I replied.  “You had told me all you had was sausages.”

“I’m selling pickles too!  Why should they buy one of mine for $2 when you’ll give them one for $1?”

I looked at his pickle jar and saw his were about 5 times bigger than mine.

“Yours are much bigger than mine.  I’ll give them a taste for pickles and you sell them the big ones.”

“No, you can’t give away pickles!”

“OK, we were only using them as prizes for our game.”

“Why didn’t you say so!?!?  I’ve got prizes for you to give out!”

He went back into his tent and came out with a pile of square pieces of paper.  They were coupons for a free small French fry at a McDonalds if you bought a sandwich.

“Where’s this McDonalds?  I didn’t see one in town last night.”

“It’s about ½ hour away.”

“I don’t think folks will be big on a small fry ½ hour away.”

“You’ve hurt the faire with your pickles.  You can’t give out more.  As it is, I should deduct the pickles I didn’t sell from your pay.”

I took the coupons.

I went back to our field, grabbed the jar of pickles and brought it back to him.

“Here, as penance I give you all my pickles.”


“You said my pickles were causing you trouble, I give them to you.  You are now the sole source for pickles at this faire.”

He took the pickles.

The next person who tried our game of hitting someone with the tennis ball I handed the gift certificate as a prize.

“Do I have to take this?” they asked me.

“I’m afraid I’m not allowed to give out other prizes.”

“That’s OK.  I had fun shooting your catapult.  I don’t need a prize…”

No one ever took one.

The rest of the day was OK.  Very small crowds, but the ones there seemed to like out shows.

At the end of the day Doctor Neo had a campfire in the bigger of the faire clearings.

“This is a family event,” he told me.  “I expect your people to behave as professionals and not cause any trouble.”

He then proceeded to get drunk and hit on our fight director until she gave him an unequivocal no and went back to her tent alone.

And, then there was J.

I don’t care who fools around with who.  But, Phoenix Swords is NOT there to provide a dating source for our members.  Yet, she seemed to think that was its main purpose.

And, she had a thing for Dieter.  Never mind that Dieter had brought his girlfriend with him.  J seemed to think a two for one sale was just what she wanted.

Dieter’s girlfriend had not been expecting the show to be what it was.  None of us did.  But, she was very vocal about that all day long.  And, J was equally vocal all day long about what to do to mitigate that disappointment.

It got so bad that my wife ended up booking a hotel room for the three of them and sending them off to it to “work it all out”.

As the three of them drove off A came over to me, mad as normal.

“How come they get a hotel room and we have to camp?!?!?” he shouted at me.

“Do you want to be at the hotel with them, or here far away?” I asked.

“My truck is actually pretty comfortable.”

(EDITED for Wife note:) It was not a nice hotel, but it did have a room.